As a woman living in New York City you eventually get used to this sort of thing. It is unfortunate, but you quickly learn that these people WANT you to get mad, they WANT you to get offended, and if I just keep walking, they lose. There are many different kinds of phrases that these dapper gentlemen like to shout. Real quick before I go any further, I am by no means the ONLY target of this. These people do this to any person who even slightly resembles a woman. I could leave the house in a pair of poopstained sweatpants, poopstained Uggs, and a messy bun with a poopstained scrunchie and there would be some douchebag on some stoop yelling "Yea Good Morning to YOU Miss, I like to watch you walk away!"....
There's the guys who yell the phrases that really make no sense in relation to being a "come on". A friend of mine often get's the "Good Morning!" as she walks down the street. I am not talking about the "Good Morning!" that is shouted throughout various crowd scenes in a ravishing 1943 Rogers and Hammerstein Musical, no my friends this is more of a pervy "I cannot take my eyes off your ass and I have been standing in front of this bodega for 14 hours and I would normally yell 'Let me stick $%$#%%#%$#$%' but my wife and kid is inside so this will have to do" kind of Good Morning! Another phrase along these lines is the "God Bless YOU!" Now I spent quite a few summers at Vacation Bible School, I learned all the words to "Rise and Shine and give God the Glory....Glory", however I must have missed the day when we were taught that when we bless our neighbor we have to be staring at their cleavage. I feel so breast...I mean blessed...I mean...
Then there are the guys that are just outright vulgar. The gem that I referred to in the first paragraph would probably be put into this category. I am not a demure lady. I am often gassy, profane, can binge on pizza, and occasionally...okay often, refer to shits by the number of matches required to extinguish the smell (ooh thats a TMD...two match dump). All that being said, for the most part I don't yell things at passerbys that should cost at least 2.99 a minute to hear. Mostly because we are in a recession and times are tough......nothing is for free. Listen people, these guys are pretty sick, there have been a few times when even I have had to stop and say..."gross". More often then not I stop...whip out my notepad and go "ooh! good one! ill remember that for tonight!". I don't mean to throw all of this on the guys, however I have only come in contact with one woman ever who was screaming sexual obscenities to other women...and actually she did it non stop from Chelsea to Queens on the N train, so I think she actually made up for all the lost time in that one 35 minute ride...
Then there are those who are not that gross, sometimes even endearing, but just have WAY too much to say. The other day I was walking down the street and this guy with a cane was screaming for people to give him money for food. I then walked by and he said "Wow looking at you makes me forget that I even got the shit beat out of me last week by those assholes and cant afford my rent or even a cup of coffee". I gave him a dollar, to which he replied "God Bless You". I think he meant it in the normal way, not the pervy "I want to do you" way....
Then there are the visualists. They do say actions speak louder than words, however in this case, I prefer a novel. Another friend of mine was telling me about the unisex sauna at the gym he attends. He said the men usually stick to one side and the ladies to other, mostly for convenience of location to the appropriate locker rooms. He said there was one precious man who decided to sit on the side closest to the ladies locker room, actually facing the locker room, and then start pleasuring himself. Now if I were in that sauna I may have sat down next to him and started asking him questions about the health history of his family and if there was a reason why he felt the need to give himself a routine self testicle checkup in the middle of the sauna? Or maybe I would have started singing "I don't want anybody else when i'm in the sauna I TOUCH MYSELF!"....but really dude, gross. My friend took the mature route and spoke to an employee about the situation, but why does this happen?
Why do people, men, women, whatever, feel the need to do such things. There have even been days when I have thought to myself, on those days when I am wearing heels, and I look all fancy "Ya know what, its my own fault I dressed up, I was asking for it.." NO! I was not asking for it, do those guys running down the street shirtless always have to worry about women screaming "LET ME SEE THAT $%^&!" Not often. I mean I am sure it happens, and I am sure there will be some people that will try to argue this and talk about what men go through, and I am also sure unicorns exist. People are pigs. People yell gross shit at people who don't deserve it, sometimes they even stick their hands down their pants while doing it. It should probably just stop.
There have been a few times when someone has said something to me along the lines of a "pick up line" that was sweet, that I replied to with "thank you", and went along my way...but do these people who act like those I have mentioned above, seriously think that their tactics will work? EVER? I mean call me old fashioned but I don't picture anyone sitting down with their grandparents and saying "Grandma how did you meet Grandpa?" and Grandma saying "Well honey, I was walking down the street, and Grandpa was on the stoop with his hands down his pants screaming 'BITCH LET ME TAP THAT!!!' I knew he was the one..."
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