Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Leesey...put a little lipstick on.

The dictionary defines a "Lady" as 'a woman who is polite, refined, and well spoken' (...I really wouldnt say I qualify there..) also as 'a woman of high social position or of economical class' (..I grew up in Warren, did Eminem, need I say more?) and thirdly defined as 'any woman, female' (..folks, with the amount of times I have been confused for a Drag Queen, even THAT is pushing it..). However I still have some dignity left, and won't let any dictionary bring me down, I am still a F%^%ing LADY!
When asking for topic ideas for this blog my friend Jessalyn suggested I write "The Rules of Being a Lady". Now I don't think I have the authority to write that (my mother on the other hand..), however I will write a few SUGGESTIONS...
Big hair. Now, I love a good flat iron, but even more than that I love a good teasing comb. Growing up my mother, Sally would often shout "Leesey! Let me feather your bangs!" I am not quite sure what "feathering" ones bangs truly entails, however I just remember a lot of Aquanet, and some sort of hair creation in front of my face that looked like a peacock's ass. Thanks Mom. As I have matured into a young lady, I have continued to back-comb, tease, rat my artificially colored mane, because as they say "The bigger the hair the closer to God"...and I need the extra points.
A Girdle. No one likes muffin top, everyone likes cookies. It's an awful problem. There is a solution. Suck that business in! Yes, the undergarments donned at my Senior Prom may have rivaled those of a Elizabethian Queen....but I looked good. If those pantyhose don't say "Control Top" they go right back on the shelf, next to the other useless items at the Drug tinted moisturizer....
Which brings me to my next topic. FULL FACE! Whoever said "less is more" with makeup needs to be slapped with a stick of pancake foundation! LADIES, PAINT IT ON! When I put on lipliner and the 14th coat of mascara I feel like I can conquer the world! Well that...or a Southern Ice Cream Social.
Most importantly, a lady needs to be confident, ballsy, and heels. Love YOURSELF.....well I mean poof your, hair, suck yourself in, and paint your face...THEN love yourself.

"Sally, she's an old school Showgirl. She's a tough broad"-My friend Billy on my mother...

No comments: